Feeling the opposite of earlier.

I was feeling positive earlier, and now I am stressed and all I want is a hug from my mum and for her to tell me that it's all gonna be okay.

But that won't happen. Its never going to happen again and I'm really upset about that.

I don't think the funeral plans are going to work and nothing seems to be going right and I just don't know what to do.

I don't think that I can get through without my mum. I'm just so defeated and down and stressed and I don't know what to do.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

30 day song challenge. Day 20.

30 day song challenge: Day 20. A song that has many meanings to you. Oh, this is a tricky one, but I am going to pick a song that I kind of fits a lot of my "life chapters" (even before the song was released) and the lyrics really point to feelings I've had in my life at certain times. And that song is "Numb" by Linkin Park. "I'm tired of being what you want me to be". I felt (especially in school) I tried to be the same as everyone else. I was bullied so I tried to keep my head down, and blend in. But that affected my mental health. And when I was in college, I decided I was unhappy with being the same as my friends (we dressed the same, watched the same TV shows, listened to the same music) and I was like, no, I need to be myself and be my individual, quirky, random self 😂  I've had struggles with my mental health, as I've mentioned, and the song just speaks to me.  Whenever I hear it, I just think "ive come so far in my life, and I...
Read more

A letter I can't send...

Dear.... I don't know what to call you. Dad is so... personal for someone that barely knew you and yet, Calling you by your name feels unnatural too. I've been thinking about you a lot recently. I know that you are not alive anymore to actually find you and say this to you so this letter is my way of talking to you. I have always believed that I must be a bad person because of you. I have never heard a good word about you, not even from George and Ian. They just told me that the best thing that you ever did was leave me alone. And they were your friends. I spent so long wondering what I had done to make you leave me. Why didn't you even tell mum and me that you were going to Germany?  I thought that it was my fault. I was bullied at school and that and you leaving had a really negative effect on me. And then there's the whole prison thing and a half -brothet that I might have and I just felt that I was a "bad' person because of you. I'm 40 and I've neve...
Read more

30 day song challenge day 13.

30 day song challenge: Day 13. A song you like from the 1970's. I do listen to a lot of 70's music (I listen to anything from the 1950's onwards, it was what my mum and grandma listened to when I was young) and there is a lot of songs from the 70's I love (Starman, 20th Century boy, Bye bye baby, Tiger feet...) But I had to pick a song that has a personal connection to me. I am choosing "Knock three times" by  Tony Orlando and Dawn.  When my mum was pregnant with me, she had a name picked out to call me, but her cousin (who was also pregnant at the same time and gave birth a month before her) stole my mum's name. (She lived in New Zealand so my mum forgave her.) And my mum remembered that my granddad (who died before I was born) commented on how he liked the name "Dawn' when he heard the group's songs so I was called Dawn. And I chose "Knock three times" as everytime I hear it, I think of "the Brittas Empire" when it's ...
Read more