Dear Mam,

Dear Mam,

I know that you are not around to read this post. Not physically, anyway. I just needed to get this out of my head.

In the next few days, I have choices to make and I'm really worried about making the wrong choice. Was it what you would have wanted? What did you want? Will you hate me for all eternity if I do the wrong thing?

I don't know what you wanted. I don't remember you actually telling me so I am going to do the best that I can. I know that I am probably going  to do things that you wouldn't have liked, but I will be doing those things because I believe that  they are the right things to do.

It's always been you and me against the world. You and me got through Grandma's death and all of the things that happened after that. We survived. You told me to survive. Everything I am is because of you. And the way you raised me. 

And because of that, I am me. I am going to make mistakes, but I am going to take ownership of them and learn from them. I am going to stand up for myself, like you were always telling me to. I am going to fight for everyday, like you did at the end.

You taught me that I can survive anything. I didn't have my dad in my life, and you taught me to not accept being treated badly. That I had to love myself before anyone else could love me. That I had to be independent and that's when I would be truly happy. And that was true.


And you may not be here, physically anymore, but you will always be in my heart. You will always be with me.

Thank you for being a wonderful mam. Thank you for all the chaos and craziness of my childhood and for being my best friend during adulthood.

I will miss you everyday. I love you always.

Dawn xx

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